A heavy decision ahead

Blue Sky Black Sheep Prompt: Things by Lisel Mueller

My heart is heavy today. My tongue and eyelids, too. Damp, heavy weight sits low in my belly, like the snow clinging in the folds of my jeans and clumping at the base of my boots. A dull ache, a silent moan.

Last night, the weight was so heavy I noticed myself tense with holding it even as I sat on the couch, a full glass of red wine in my quivering hands. 

The self doubt has crept in with the snow. I am filled with flakey anxiousness.

I have just weeks to decide if we should stay here, call this place home for another year and a half. The decision weighs heavy on my shoulders. Perhaps it will sink me so deep into the snowbank I could lay there through the winter months and emerge come spring, a daffodil with buttery confidence, decision-ready. Rooted, and belonging.

Instead, the snow seems to melt around me, pooling beneath my eyelids and puddling down my face. How to decide? How could I know?

A man on my walk today told me he’s lived here 10 years he still feels ungrounded. What luck have I?